Finding Strength

There is so much pressure to be in a constant state of growth mindset. Constantly develop your weaknesses, they say, or you’re somehow failing at life. Learn an instrument. Eat healthier. Be less self-critical. Draw better boundaries. Be more adaptable. More focused. More helpful. More discerning. More assertive. More vulnerable. Let things go. Challenge the status quo. Be more respectful of the hierarchy. Come as your whole self. Be a good fit in the culture.

Gah!

Ok, truth be told, I do need more good fat in my diet, so let’s focus on those last two. If you truly want individuals to come as they are, isn’t holding the threat of not fitting in with the crowd sort of…hypocritical? Is the very stance counterintuitive with encouraging growth mindset?

First, let’s backtrack a few years and get to the trailhead of this thought path.

It all started when I was a child….kidding! It was 2016 and a leader gave me a gift I cherish to this day—the book, “Strengths Finder”. He said quit worrying about your weaknesses and focus on strengthening your strengths. Now, I knew that as a fallible human being there were plenty of weaknesses I needed to work on, but giving as much attention to my strengths? It was a foreign concept at the time.

Why so foreign? What he didn’t know was that I was in the tearing down phase of a toxic situation. My strengths were being manipulated. Those very talents the assessment found—deliberative, empathy, learner, relator, restorative—were the LAST thing I wanted to make stronger. I wanted to hide them, make them go away so I could change my situation.

Fast forward to 2020. It wasn’t until the pandemic that I found the courage to lean into my strengths again. The strength to name what happened. (It was a year later when I learned of Trauma Informed Leadership, and it’s as obvious as the ADKAR model to me, but that’s fodder for another post.)

Moral of the story, organizations have to change the messages they’re sending employees. “Come as your whole self” and “Fit into the culture” neither align nor create the innovative, authentic workplace of the future. We all bring strengths and weaknesses to the workplace. We all bring emotional scars and trauma. That doesn’t mean leaders have to be therapists (please don’t try). Just trust your people and let them be who they are. Wholly. Unapologetically.

Someone wants a project that showcases their strengths? Let them rock on with their bad self. Someone avoids the spotlight? Let them shine in their own way. Someone wants to take on a challenge? Let them make mistakes and learn. That is allowing people to come as they are, not who and when the culture dictates.

Come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be…Take your time, hurry up, choice is yours, don’t be late.

Nirvana

Shannon Vasko is a natural-born planner with a passion for strategy and integrated communications. © MI Compass Services.